We are familyย 

I was at the cliff and i am thinking to end my life, i was emotionally hurt, physically tired. I felt so useless. I felt like no one is lending their ears for me to listen to, i felt like the world is turning back on me, i have no one at that moment, and i only have myself โ˜น๏ธ I was actually smiling outside as if nothing’s happened, as if there’s no problem but deep with in me i was killing myself, i wanted to end the sufferings, the trials, the circumstances, the people and my life. One night i was wondering what is wrong with me, why am i experiencing these stuffs, why is it that i have no one? I felt sorry for myself for giving too much attention to everyone without unknowingly thinking about myself. “I am not a type of person to give up on someone. Yes, sometimes i get really mad and upset so i need a minute to cool off but i’ll never abandon you. I don’t leave people, and I think thats why it always hurts so bad when people left me”. I was deeply in pain, secretly ๐Ÿ˜” i was. At the same night, I dreamt of God. Yes, I did. He is sitting under the Aspen Tree ๐ŸŒณ he invited me, he asks me why am i thinking such things when in fact i have Him ๐Ÿ‘†๐ŸฝI can always talk to Him, anytime anywhere, no matter what I have him and He gave me my family and friends. I told him “but i felt like they don’t care with me” and He says “tell them what happen, tell them what is the problem, they may not help you but i know they can boosts you and it can help with your decisions”. I woke up early and realize that i shouldn’t end what He gave me and with that conversation I realize “no man is an island ๐ŸŒด” I have him ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ, I have my family ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ and i have my friends ๐Ÿ‘ฏ So, if you feel like giving up with life don’t think twice in sharing it with your confidant ๐Ÿ˜Š we are all one family here so let’s help each other, drop that crab mentality, drop that jealousy, drop it all. Let’s held our hands, stand still & strong to face every storm that may come our way!

You have me, I have you because we are one family.

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How to unlove you

There’s only one question that lingers my head and my heart, how do i unlove you.

Randomly, no matter how long I wait if you would’ve come then you would already. No matter how much i reach you with my hands if you wanted to hold it then you should’ve done that ages ago. No matter how much i call for your name i know you won’t look back. I’m not even your favorite song that gives you goosebumps whenever you listen to. And I realized, i am no one to you. It was really hard to let go of someone you have so much attachment to. It is very hard to act like you’re okay when the truth is you are really not. It’s hard to accept that you were really not coming back, again.

You were always my brightest star in the sky. You were always my main character in every story I wrote but im not even a supporting character on yours. Some people are not meant for each other and we’re one of those.

Love is not give and take because no matter how much you love the person you can’t even take at least .01% of love you gave to them.

The only answer to my question was, to let go. To let you go no matter how hard it is for me and to let myself go-of the pain you gave me too.

Right now, im waiting for the time that my love for you will fade just like the old photo too. Im waiting to for the moment where i no longer be affected with everything that’s related to you. The time where every wounds you left was fully healed too, and i am satisfactorily happy. Moving forward is hard but i know i can because i am me, a strong woman you always got to see ๐ŸŒธ

To the one who left me hanging

it was a fair day when i dreamt on something way back in my college life, i was full of hope and strength to achieve those. i was sitting on the mini forest with my earphones on and my pen to write my to-do-lists. And in a snap you enter my life full of darkness and hatred about life, you served as my light so i can see the right path for me, for us. little by little we became one, we tend to swim with the big waves of life I didn’t imagine i will too. I learned to face everything with everyone because of you. I never thought that an ordinary girl like me would be loved and admired by someone. at first, i have hesitation to let you enter into my life but as time passes by i was falling and you keep on pushing me to fall deeper. i feel loved from time to time. you love me.

At one glimpse, you stop communicating, the sparks in your eyes gets darkened, the feeling you had gets cold. everything was dead like my favorite rose where it losses its smell and color at the same time. my whole entire gets weakened, I barely talk with someone. I wasn’t prepared, i was left hanging without saying anything.

And now, im trying to live life alone. I’m trying to rebuild the dreams that shattered. it may be hard to keep moving forward but i know i can, i am who i am! right now, i am not okay but im on my way!

To someone who left me hanging, thank you for everything achieve your goals in life and always keep on smiling. There’s so much to be thankful for.

NTS: Keep your head up high and your standard higher ๐Ÿ˜‰. Continue being a goal digger!

Once i was in love ๐Ÿ’™

– [ ] there comes a point in my life that I’ve been inlove with someone whom I didn’t even see his face, where there is no assurance of being together. i was fooled and im never ashamed of that. I always think of an answer why did it happened to me? why me? why long distance relationships? why him? then it goes in me that, i am strong, i am loyal and i am me. in the middle of our relationship we had downfalls and here we are picking each other’s pieces and helping it back into its original shape. the feeling was different, having someone you talked to every single day of your life yet not seeing them in person, sharing deepest secrets with each other and crying over something stupid afterwards, someone who’s willing to gave you every single thing in this world, someone you shared your laughters with and everything it seems like he’s been my human diary, he knows me well, he’s knows my everything, he’s there (always) for 2 years and 5 mo we shared love and so much for that. imagining things with each other in some time. felt like someone knew you very well, inside and out but never tried to be with you. i am waiting, still waiting for years now. and the time comes when he decided to come with me and be with me. yes, he did try it but sadly it didn’t succeed because maybe he had some personal reasons why. at first i was disappointed, very much but as time goes by I’d realized no need to act and feel like teenagers anymore. i now understand why he didn’t make it, why he didn’t push it, why he didn’t pursue it. and I’d be better stay quiet because its the best way i can help. I can’t blame every single thing to him because he didn’t make it, for now all i have to do is to understand why did he do that. i also thank him for everything, for showing some little efforts he put in some time, the sincerity that I felt, the love, the care, support and all. thank you for sharing your life with a stranger like me. thank you for the experienced like this. you will always be my one true long distance relationship man!!!! ๐Ÿ’ž thank you for the butterflies in the stomach!!! love you always!  

I LOVE YOU ๐Ÿ’–

iloveyou. loving you with this kind of relationship isn’t easy, by not seeing you every single day, by not comforting you every time you’re in pain, by not being with you through your happy days, by not hugging you when all you need is to, by not wiping your tears when you cry, by not eating with your favorite meal and lastly by not kissing you. i am sorry we’re miles apart, we’ve never seen each other personally but frankly i have loved youย  more than these words could do โค