Gone but not forgotten..

“Once you get attached you’re f*cked”

I don’t know what to feel upon reading this line. You know why? Because I am totally f*cked up. I never thought that they would leave a mark in me, inside me. I thought we were just colleagues that after this contract we’re all fine, but we’re not because WE ARE FAMILY. The unforgettable bonds, the crispiness of  each other’s laughter, the inside jokes that sometimes hits you real hard, the unending insults we throw from each other, those drinking-sesh we had every freakin’ Friday (or in the middle of the week or when someone is heart broken or a year-end party), those times when we got so drank and took bunch of videos and shameless photos. Those were the times when we trusts each other, those were the times when we became a family. A family that is not related by blood but a family that is related by bond.

I don’t want to end what we have started. The moment when we are little by little falling off from the tree. It has been a very long journey, my friend. A journey that ended very soon. We don’t know what will happen next but rest assured that what we have, and what happened to us stays in my heart โ™ฅ๏ธ.


We are familyย 

I was at the cliff and i am thinking to end my life, i was emotionally hurt, physically tired. I felt so useless. I felt like no one is lending their ears for me to listen to, i felt like the world is turning back on me, i have no one at that moment, and i only have myself โ˜น๏ธ I was actually smiling outside as if nothing’s happened, as if there’s no problem but deep with in me i was killing myself, i wanted to end the sufferings, the trials, the circumstances, the people and my life. One night i was wondering what is wrong with me, why am i experiencing these stuffs, why is it that i have no one? I felt sorry for myself for giving too much attention to everyone without unknowingly thinking about myself. “I am not a type of person to give up on someone. Yes, sometimes i get really mad and upset so i need a minute to cool off but i’ll never abandon you. I don’t leave people, and I think thats why it always hurts so bad when people left me”. I was deeply in pain, secretly ๐Ÿ˜” i was. At the same night, I dreamt of God. Yes, I did. He is sitting under the Aspen Tree ๐ŸŒณ he invited me, he asks me why am i thinking such things when in fact i have Him ๐Ÿ‘†๐ŸฝI can always talk to Him, anytime anywhere, no matter what I have him and He gave me my family and friends. I told him “but i felt like they don’t care with me” and He says “tell them what happen, tell them what is the problem, they may not help you but i know they can boosts you and it can help with your decisions”. I woke up early and realize that i shouldn’t end what He gave me and with that conversation I realize “no man is an island ๐ŸŒด” I have him ๐Ÿ‘†๐Ÿฝ, I have my family ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ and i have my friends ๐Ÿ‘ฏ So, if you feel like giving up with life don’t think twice in sharing it with your confidant ๐Ÿ˜Š we are all one family here so let’s help each other, drop that crab mentality, drop that jealousy, drop it all. Let’s held our hands, stand still & strong to face every storm that may come our way!

You have me, I have you because we are one family.

Hold on even if you feel like giving up โœจ

To all those who feel like giving up, i tell you DON’T. God has place the best spot in you, he knows what he’s doing so WAIT but do your own duty strive for your goals and give your best shot ๐ŸŽฏ. He will give what your heart desires โค๏ธ
I know sometimes you feel jealous with your friends, they were having a good job, they traveled often, they pay bills, they can buy whatever they want, they can do anything but friend let me tell you this don’t be maybe its not yet your time, we all have our own time if you like left behind, no you’re not my friend you were just right on your time. You don’t need to compare yourself with them you are different in many ways, you have your own unique way. I know and i can feel your mourn. Maybe you felt like you didn’t reach your goals yet, maybe you’re not happy with your phase right now, maybe you failed alot of things, maybe you aren’t what you want to be. But you are trying right? believe me every time you are trying you are growing ๐Ÿ™ƒ and i think that makes you who you wanted to be.
One of the best motivation you’ll ever have is the people around you, supporting to whatever decision you may have in your life, the persons who believed in you, in your capacity who believes what you can do. Isn’t it the best feeling when someone says “go for it, you can do that. don’t loose hope! keep trying, i believe in you” right? Always be mindful someone believes in you! Your parents believes in you. God believes in you. So don’t give up. If you feel like giving up because you were already tired and you think you gave your best its okay just rest but don’t give up. Everything will be paid off, and the best part of it? it’s what your heart desires โค๏ธ Good things happen for those who wait. Be a fighter! No matter how many times you tripped, always stand still and continue walking! Life maybe hard but i know you are tougher that you thought.

There’s always a reason to hold on and keep going! You can do that! Fighting ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฟ

How to unlove you

There’s only one question that lingers my head and my heart, how do i unlove you.

Randomly, no matter how long I wait if you would’ve come then you would already. No matter how much i reach you with my hands if you wanted to hold it then you should’ve done that ages ago. No matter how much i call for your name i know you won’t look back. I’m not even your favorite song that gives you goosebumps whenever you listen to. And I realized, i am no one to you. It was really hard to let go of someone you have so much attachment to. It is very hard to act like you’re okay when the truth is you are really not. It’s hard to accept that you were really not coming back, again.

You were always my brightest star in the sky. You were always my main character in every story I wrote but im not even a supporting character on yours. Some people are not meant for each other and we’re one of those.

Love is not give and take because no matter how much you love the person you can’t even take at least .01% of love you gave to them.

The only answer to my question was, to let go. To let you go no matter how hard it is for me and to let myself go-of the pain you gave me too.

Right now, im waiting for the time that my love for you will fade just like the old photo too. Im waiting to for the moment where i no longer be affected with everything that’s related to you. The time where every wounds you left was fully healed too, and i am satisfactorily happy. Moving forward is hard but i know i can because i am me, a strong woman you always got to see ๐ŸŒธ

To the one who left me hanging

it was a fair day when i dreamt on something way back in my college life, i was full of hope and strength to achieve those. i was sitting on the mini forest with my earphones on and my pen to write my to-do-lists. And in a snap you enter my life full of darkness and hatred about life, you served as my light so i can see the right path for me, for us. little by little we became one, we tend to swim with the big waves of life I didn’t imagine i will too. I learned to face everything with everyone because of you. I never thought that an ordinary girl like me would be loved and admired by someone. at first, i have hesitation to let you enter into my life but as time passes by i was falling and you keep on pushing me to fall deeper. i feel loved from time to time. you love me.

At one glimpse, you stop communicating, the sparks in your eyes gets darkened, the feeling you had gets cold. everything was dead like my favorite rose where it losses its smell and color at the same time. my whole entire gets weakened, I barely talk with someone. I wasn’t prepared, i was left hanging without saying anything.

And now, im trying to live life alone. I’m trying to rebuild the dreams that shattered. it may be hard to keep moving forward but i know i can, i am who i am! right now, i am not okay but im on my way!

To someone who left me hanging, thank you for everything achieve your goals in life and always keep on smiling. There’s so much to be thankful for.

NTS: Keep your head up high and your standard higher ๐Ÿ˜‰. Continue being a goal digger!

Once i was in love ๐Ÿ’™

– [ ] there comes a point in my life that I’ve been inlove with someone whom I didn’t even see his face, where there is no assurance of being together. i was fooled and im never ashamed of that. I always think of an answer why did it happened to me? why me? why long distance relationships? why him? then it goes in me that, i am strong, i am loyal and i am me. in the middle of our relationship we had downfalls and here we are picking each other’s pieces and helping it back into its original shape. the feeling was different, having someone you talked to every single day of your life yet not seeing them in person, sharing deepest secrets with each other and crying over something stupid afterwards, someone who’s willing to gave you every single thing in this world, someone you shared your laughters with and everything it seems like he’s been my human diary, he knows me well, he’s knows my everything, he’s there (always) for 2 years and 5 mo we shared love and so much for that. imagining things with each other in some time. felt like someone knew you very well, inside and out but never tried to be with you. i am waiting, still waiting for years now. and the time comes when he decided to come with me and be with me. yes, he did try it but sadly it didn’t succeed because maybe he had some personal reasons why. at first i was disappointed, very much but as time goes by I’d realized no need to act and feel like teenagers anymore. i now understand why he didn’t make it, why he didn’t push it, why he didn’t pursue it. and I’d be better stay quiet because its the best way i can help. I can’t blame every single thing to him because he didn’t make it, for now all i have to do is to understand why did he do that. i also thank him for everything, for showing some little efforts he put in some time, the sincerity that I felt, the love, the care, support and all. thank you for sharing your life with a stranger like me. thank you for the experienced like this. you will always be my one true long distance relationship man!!!! ๐Ÿ’ž thank you for the butterflies in the stomach!!! love you always!  


iloveyou. loving you with this kind of relationship isn’t easy, by not seeing you every single day, by not comforting you every time you’re in pain, by not being with you through your happy days, by not hugging you when all you need is to, by not wiping your tears when you cry, by not eating with your favorite meal and lastly by not kissing you. i am sorry we’re miles apart, we’ve never seen each other personally but frankly i have loved youย  more than these words could do โค